The reality of coming to terms with and the actual ‘letting go’ of this are incredibly painful. I do understand why so many turn to another or multiple others so quickly to try to ‘fix’ themselves or to other remedies to alleviate just a little of the pain.
The good thing when you are older is you just know yourself much, much more and I knew that the fall out if I had engaged with these activities would have been colossal. I knew that to be OKAY in the long run I had to work through the pain and confusion of the now with as few self sabotage moments as possible
Running, Yoga, Suits (God bless Harvey!), Grace & Frankie. Juice Days, Off Spring and the intervention of dear friends getting my butt on a plane to Hong Kong for some fun, laughter and dancing slowly started to work.
Over time the stress and the worry and the ‘what just happened?’ fog slowly becomes replaced with a hope, a calmness and the best part a simple ‘knowing’. You start to breathe freely, find joy, laughter and the biggest thing I learned… you are NEVER really alone.
- You alone have to build the foundation. Your people can hand you the pieces but they have their own lives, issues and circumstances too. You have to be okay to stand on your own solid ground (... I've nearly got this!)
- The impact on children; people say kids are resilient but who are we kidding? This does affect kids in some way, shape or form for the rest of their lives (...I’ll be working on how to cope with this one for the rest of my life!)
- You are changed forever. You can never be exactly the same again. You see, feel and look at things differently. It’s not bad it’s just different. There will always be a broken, wonky part BUT team this up with an inner strength that you never knew existed and all the glorious colours of a broken crayon pack waiting to be used on a blank canvas and the choice of masterpieces are endless! (..One year on and I think I’m at peace with this)