“Broken Crayons can still create Masterpieces”
I discovered this statement not in a book on philosophy but on a guy’s online dating profile. It (the statement, not him) captivated me.
One year on from the end of a relationship that existed for half of your life. Some ask ‘how do you feel?’ I ask ‘what have I learned?’
Some say Divorce/Separation is a lot like the death of a loved one. I unfortunately have experienced both and can vouch for this. What has struck me the most though is that after a long-term separation you are not actually just divorcing a person but the entire illusion you have created inside your head of the future you just took as gospel to happen all along. This vision is suddenly shattered along with the ideologies and discourses that had been ingrained in you via society and circumstances your whole life. It doesn’t shatter in one clean piece though, the residue is almost impossible to clean up entirely and little sharp shards can appear and dig in suddenly at any time.
The reality of coming to terms with and the actual ‘letting go’ of this are incredibly painful. I do understand why so many turn to another or multiple others so quickly to try to ‘fix’ themselves or to other remedies to alleviate just a little of the pain.
The good thing when you are older is you just know yourself much, much more and I knew that the fall out if I had engaged with these activities would have been colossal. I knew that to be OKAY in the long run I had to work through the pain and confusion of the now with as few self sabotage moments as possible
Running, Yoga, Suits (God bless Harvey!), Grace & Frankie. Juice Days, Off Spring and the intervention of dear friends getting my butt on a plane to Hong Kong for some fun, laughter and dancing slowly started to work.
Over time the stress and the worry and the ‘what just happened?’ fog slowly becomes replaced with a hope, a calmness and the best part a simple ‘knowing’. You start to breathe freely, find joy, laughter and the biggest thing I learned… you are NEVER really alone.
The reality of coming to terms with and the actual ‘letting go’ of this are incredibly painful. I do understand why so many turn to another or multiple others so quickly to try to ‘fix’ themselves or to other remedies to alleviate just a little of the pain.
The good thing when you are older is you just know yourself much, much more and I knew that the fall out if I had engaged with these activities would have been colossal. I knew that to be OKAY in the long run I had to work through the pain and confusion of the now with as few self sabotage moments as possible
Running, Yoga, Suits (God bless Harvey!), Grace & Frankie. Juice Days, Off Spring and the intervention of dear friends getting my butt on a plane to Hong Kong for some fun, laughter and dancing slowly started to work.
Over time the stress and the worry and the ‘what just happened?’ fog slowly becomes replaced with a hope, a calmness and the best part a simple ‘knowing’. You start to breathe freely, find joy, laughter and the biggest thing I learned… you are NEVER really alone.
The people you find on this journey, the ones that have been with you forever and the few new ones you meet on the way, all have had such an incredible and everlasting impact… each of them, in different ways, in different times and in different places… hands you a little piece (think Ed Sheerans’ Lego house) and each little piece helps you to rebuild.
This part of this whole experience has truly been one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced in my whole life.
BUT even with this beauty there are three big truths that have to be faced front on:
- You alone have to build the foundation. Your people can hand you the pieces but they have their own lives, issues and circumstances too. You have to be okay to stand on your own solid ground (... I've nearly got this!)
- The impact on children; people say kids are resilient but who are we kidding? This does affect kids in some way, shape or form for the rest of their lives (...I’ll be working on how to cope with this one for the rest of my life!)
- You are changed forever. You can never be exactly the same again. You see, feel and look at things differently. It’s not bad it’s just different. There will always be a broken, wonky part BUT team this up with an inner strength that you never knew existed and all the glorious colours of a broken crayon pack waiting to be used on a blank canvas and the choice of masterpieces are endless! (..One year on and I think I’m at peace with this)
Finally, the bit you really care about, Online dating. Unfortunately my branding experience has me most more focused on how bad the choice of profile photo and description is and how I can give some ‘tips’ without actually having to engage in the dating part!
(PLEASE men, NO more profile pictures with FISH or MOTORBIKES!!)
The reality of this though is much like choosing a business or brand to really associate, make an impact with. What you see on the surface is a multitude of faces and endless choices and, for some, this can seem exciting. But, when you are a tortured kindred spirit (! LOL) you just KNOW in your heart that real connections are not based on face value or by skimming the surface with half enthused sentiments… real connection can only come when you are willing to go beyond the surface to listen, understand, open your heart and make that dedicated choice to really connect.
RSS Feed